The Non-bucket List

So I realize that I only blog once or twice a year. Yea, well at least I do it. If I seem a little defensive, well I am. Guilty is probably the better word for it actually. I'm inspired by others' blogs, laugh out loud at many of them. Many times I want to write, need to write and just don't. I beat myself up for it a lot.

You see I am watching my life simply fly by. Whizz, zoom at lightening speed. I am turning 44 (really?) in 2 months. I'm watching my little blondie lover boy grow up before my eyes into an articulate little smartie pants. My daughter is 7 going on 25. It's nuts, nuts, nuts. Everyone with kids always says, "It goes so fast, treasure your time with your kids." Fast is an understatement.

I do try to treasure my time. I try to remind myself and my husband to enjoy our children, to cherish the time with them, to appreciate the little things. It's hard to do. There's always something else. Laundry, work, lunches (Kevin makes them), beds to make, errands to run, you get the gist. We all go through it. We all struggle with it.

We do sit down and eat together every night. We all say our 'favorite things' which is a favorite thing in itself. And that's our time together each day. Then we're off to bath time, story time and bedtime. Kevin makes dinner every night and then the lunches. It's draining our life, simply exhausting. This is the reason lately I am feeling guilty for something else.

I always hear about people who have 'bucket lists'. Things they want to do, see, experience before they die. I saw the movie, I know what they are. Before the movie I never gave it a second thought. I may not have even known what the heck a bucket list was to be honest. Well, now I'm older and have a family and darn it I need a bucket list.

I need to have this wonderful collection of places to see, skydiving adventures, learning French, getting an advanced degree, becoming a millionaire, learning to fly a plane...yadda yadda. You get it. I hear all of these things from people. One of our friends is running with the bulls this summer in Pamplona. Now that's a bucket list item for sure.

To me this sounds insane. I think I finally realized why I don't have my own list. I'm a homebody, full time working mommy who just doesn't have the energy to think about putting one together. Or is it something else?

Maybe I just don't want to do any of those things? I know what I like to do. I like, no love to watch my kids laugh, to watch my husband laugh. I love being thankful for their health, the health of my parents, my family and our friends. I love going to birthday parties, gymnastics classes, out to dinner and to the movies (although I rarely do that one.) I can't really come up with anything for my bucket list.

The things that I really, really want to do in my life are pretty simple and I will not by any means feel like I've missed out if I don't add anything else to my non-bucket list.

I want to see my kids be happy and joyful children. To be kind and compassionate. To know that they are good people and good to others. I want to see them do well and enjoy school. Not just do well but love education and do great work as adults, whatever that means to them.

I want to spend many holidays with my parents. I want my parents to be a part of our lives for many, many more years despite their health issues. I want to treat them well and respect them even though we don't always see eye to eye. I want to make them proud of me.

I want to continue to work at being closer to my brother and to know his children someday. (When he has them!) I want to be a favorite aunt.

I want to spend a long and loving life with my super daddy husband. I want to spend many hours laughing with him. I want to continue learning how to be a better mother, friend, wife, daughter and sister.

I want to do good work, meaningful work. I want to be valued for my thoughts, ideas, creativity and innovation. Check that one off the list.

So, I do have a pretty long list, just not the kind some other people have. And I'm OK with that.