The Sleep Story

So as all parents do, I am still struggling with Julian not sleeping through the night. Not only NOT sleeping through the night but not even more than 3 hours in a row most nights. After nearly 6 months of this sleep deprivation I am ready for a rubber room as my mom would say. As my return to work date quickly approaches, I am starting to panic. How can I function in the professional world with only sleeping in 2-3 hour increments? Will I fall asleep at my desk? Ugh.

Since we are not at all fans of letting our children "cry it out" I continue to go into Julian's room up to 6 times a night, nurse for 10 minutes and then head back to bed. Night after night after night. Month after month after month. The very thought of allowing him to cry alone in his bed for who knows how long is too painful.

So what is a mom to do? Something's gotta give as they say. We are out of energy, patience and stamina.

One thing that I did the other night when he was up every hour on the hour was this. I held his tiny warm hand in mine and thought about how quickly this time will be over in the grand scheme of my life. How one day I will struggle to remember how tired I was. How I will miss that tiny hand and the phase that went with it. How I am so very grateful to even have a second healthy, beautiful child. How if my baby needs me, I will go to him unconditionally until he is able to reason and understand explanations for things. How amazingly compassionate, nurturing and sensitive Peanut is and how our parenting style and choices made her that way.

These are the things I think about in the middle of the night, while it's just the two of us in the dark room. A dear friend of mine says that you have to listen to your "mommy gut". As hard as it is and will be, I am truly listening to mine. I know that our beautiful son will be a better person for it. I know I already am.